We chatted a couple of times on OKCupid. She was in her early 30s, worked for a strategic consulting company in Manhattan. She readily agreed to meet me and suggested a Zagat rated bistro in Chelsea. I was uncomfortable with the thought of going on a date with someone I barely knew to a restaurant that would not be cheap. Now, don't mistake me. I don't mind spending money on someone I liked. But I usually prefer to have an exploratory meeting at a cafe. Not only does it give both of us the option to quickly get out of that place if there was no connection, it also means I don't throw money away on dates that have no chance in hell. And many dates don't go beyond the first meeting.
I tried to suggest we meet elsewhere, but she seemed adamant. So, despite my misgivings, I agreed to meet her there for lunch one weekend. That morning was a mess due to a number of unforeseen errands that I had to run. To make it to my appointment with her, I put a number of things on hold, drop off an injured nephew back with his parents and rush to the restaurant. Walking to the restaurant, I had a premonition that this was going to be a bust. But hope springs eternal.
When I arrived at the restaurant, it was full and many people were waiting for a table on the sidewalk. Clearly this was a happening place. The wait time was about 25 minutes. My date arrived a few minutes later. She was young and attractive. She wore a simple dress with a low neck, revealing her cleavage with no bra underneath.
Our greeting was awkward. She did not even extend her hand to shake mine. She didn't seem particularly enthusiastic to meet me. We tried to make small-talk, but it was slow going. Our conversation over lunch was similarly insipid. We spent most of the time talking about her work. She clearly made good money doing strategic consulting for healthcare companies. She loved the excitement of being in Manhattan. "I'd heard about this place from friends, but have never been here before," she said as she ate her meal. "This was on my list of places to eat at. And I eat out a lot since I don't cook at all." Ah, so that's why she had insisted on meeting me at this place. She was clearly more interested in the restaurant than me. She revealed very little about herself and asked me almost nothing about myself. And, still, I plodded on, hoping to break through the reserve and getting to know her better.
She ate very little and admitted that each restaurant meal ended up feeding her for a couple of days. So she left with an ample doggie bag that would see her through the next day. As we walked out of the restaurant, to truly assess her level of interest in me, I asked, "Do you want to walk around a little?"
"I have to go home to do some things, but you're welcome to walk in that direction for a bit if you'd like." Her tone was polite but did not mask her utter lack of interest in me. But I don't give up easily. So I walked with her along the Highline Park, continuing valiantly to find topics to talk to her about. Finally, I gave up, and at the end of Highline Park, I told her I'd walk back the way we came to catch my train to Brooklyn.
I gave her a polite hug and swiftly left the place, relieved that it was over, and annoyed at myself for having agreed to meeting her at a time that turned out to be inconvenient to me and at a restaurant that I would never have chosen for an initial meeting. I admit I felt a little used. But I also admit I've done things in the past that my dates would have interpreted as my having used them. So I guess it all evens out, and I shouldn't complain.
A couple of days later I noticed that she had visited my profile on OKCupid once after our meeting. Did that mean she did have some interest in me? Not to shut the door on the possibility, I sent her a candid message telling her that I thought she wasn't interested, but if for whatever reason I'd misinterpreted her body language, I'd be interested in meeting her again.
She never bothered to respond. A fitting response to my foolish persistence.
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