Sunday, December 29, 2013
The Half-English Millionaire
So this guy looks okay. He's 50. We're matched. So I flip through his pictures. He's got a photo of a sunset, a phone keyboard, a Porsche & a Lamborghini. He's not in the picture with the cars, though.
Hal: hi there
me: are those cars really yours, or do you just want to impress the ladies with your knowledge of expensive cars?
h: there [sic] mine, did it impress you
me: nope. not impressed by cars.
h: where are you what city
me: i'm in X. you?
h: Y. [he names a city about 120 miles away.] but i'll be in Z today. [Z is about 10 miles from where i live.]
me: so what's a guy who owns a lamborghini doing on tinder? don't you have swarms of women mobbing you wherever you drive that car?
h: everyones not impressed just like you
[So this guy can't spell. He can't write a single grammatically correct sentence. And he claims to own expensive cars. Either he's lying or he's dealing in drugs.]
me: what work do you do? and, yeah, many women are smart.
h: i own a garage door company and i invented a garage door remote control and sold the patent 2 years ago
me: nice. what kind of patent is that?
h: utility and design
[So he won't reveal much. Nice touch.]
h: so what are you doing today wanna meet for lunch you can write it off
me: i can write it off? am i paying for it?
h: i will give you the receipt.
me: you're the one rolling in dough. i'm a lowly accountant.
h: or do you need bank statements
h: i don't mind paying
[Wow, magnanimous of him!]
me: then you write it off. i don't cheat.
h: you're such a nice girl
me: not always. :)
h: when aren't you
me: you'll have to find that out for yourself. :)
h: i'm trying that's why i want to meet for lunch
me: sure, but let's chat a bit more here
h: that's okay with me
me: what ethnicity are you? can't tell from the pics.
h: what nationality do you think i am?
me: you could pass off as a middle-easterner or hispanic
h: really which one more
me: i don't know. just tell me.
[So his coyness irritated me.]
h: im half english,mom still has an english accent,and half armenian but not like the typical Armenians you meet
h: what are you
me: brasilian.
h: I once had a Brazilian girl fall in love with me
[Wow, she fell in love with him. We don't know what he felt for her.]
me: and?
h: her name was Carmen
h: is that you
me: uh?
h: do you have a Brazilian accent
me: yes
h: is your name Carmen
h: nevermind
h: L.
h: dah
me: you mean you never even looked up my name?
h: yes it's written right above on top
h: i just sent it without looking
[How ridiculous is that? Tinder makes it really easy for you to know who you're communicating with.]
me: you lose a few points for that
h: come to Z today and meet me
h: why you never introduced yourself
h: so you lose a few points for that
me: you never did either, but i know your name
me: i can't come to Z. i don't have a car. i take public transportation
h: okay what's my name
h: well take a bus
me: to Z? you've got to be kidding me.
h: take it over the bridge and i'll pick you up
h: it's only 2 miles
me: if it's only 2 miles, why can't you drive your fancy car to the city? it's a lot faster by car than by public transport.
h: because i will be working
h: i don't really like going into the city either
h: too much traffic
h: nowhere to park sorry
[What a load of crap! I'm furious at this point, but I play cool.]
me: so what will you do if we were to click?
h: the question is what will you do
h: you will probably move over here with me
[Seriously!]
me: hehe
me: you're cocky.
h: don't you like that
h: i'm a gentleman as well
[Yeah, I believe that.]
me: ok. where do you want to meet for lunch?
h: how about cheesecake factory
[Wow, fancy restaurant!]
me: i hear ABC [it's an expensive restaurant according to yelp] in Z is good. great brunch. been meaning to go there
h: never heard of it
h: what kind of food
me: american
h: do you want to meet me in Z
h: why don't you have a car
me: i don't need a car in the city.
h: so are you taking a bus to Z
me: aren't you going to pick me up from the other side of the bridge?
h: yes, i'll pick you up in Z
[He didn't answer my question. Obviously he isn't going to pick me up from the other side of the bridge as he offered initially.]
me: where?
h: wherever you get off the bus
me: i think the bus comes near the restaurant. why don't i just meet you at the restaurant?
h: okay even better
me: you should make a reservation, though. it's a popular restaurant.
h: no i know DEF its not popular [DEF is the name of a cheap Mexican joint.]
me: why not ABC?
h: yes we can go there
me: okay, please make a reservation.
h: ok
[He went to take a shower. I proceeded to block him. It was the most benign thing I could do.
Seriously, what's wrong with some guys. Do they really think this kind of behavior will get them dates?]
Saturday, December 28, 2013
Another Married Man on Tinder Busted
He was 39. He looked good, well groomed, well dressed. Perhaps a bit too slick, but still pleasing to the eye. (God, I'm channeling my inner woman far too much, aren't I?) His name was Usman. (Like all the people mentioned in blogs, this is not his real name on Tinder; I've changed it to give him a modicum of privacy.) Based on his photograph, age, and my intuition, I suspected that he was married.
Usman: Hi! Nice to meet you.
me: nice to meet you too.
U: you're lovely.
me: thanks! where are you from?
U: from here.
me: i mean where were you raised?
U: all over the place.
So this guy won't reveal information too easily, I think.
me: i'm from brasil. what's your ethnicity?
U: well, my parents are from pakistan, if that's what you mean. i lived all over the place.
me: like where?
U: saudi arabia, bahrain, switzerland.
me: ok. how long have you lived in this country?
U: about 17 years. you?
me: about 14. what kind of work do you do?
U: marketing for high tech
me: nice. i'm an accountant.
U: you live in the city?
me: yes, i do. you too?
U: yes.
me: what neighborhood? i live in X.
U: Y. so you know any good places to drink near where you live?
me: there are a few.
Is this guy trying to ask me out or just having conversation?
U: any plans for the evening?
me: no. just relaxing.
Okay, are you going to ask me out or not?
U: good.
me: do you work in the city?
U: no, I work in Z.
me: wow, you've got quite a commute!
U: it is, but i take the train most of the time.
me: when was your last relationship?
U: a few months ago
me: i dated a married guy for a couple of years. we broke it off a few months ago.
U: wow, did you not know he was married?
me: i did. he was a real nice guy and i understood his reasons for straying. i don't judge.
U: that's very understanding.
me: are you single?
U: it's kinda complicated. but i'm separated.
The trick to tell him about having dated a married man seemed to have put him at ease. Separated, indeed. I didn't believe it for a minute, though. But I'd have to be patient.
me: kids?
U: one daughter.
me: nice. do you still live with your wife?
U: yeah, we're in the process of figuring out living arrangements.
I was surprised at how easily he gave away that information.
me: what are you looking for on tinder?
U: to meet people. you?
me: to make new friends and hopefully more. so what does meeting people mean to you?
U: i'm not ready for a relationship. i have to figure out my life and it won't be fair to the other person to drag her into this while i'm figuring things out.
That sounded very reasonable, but I didn't trust it for a minute.
me: so you want something NSA? (That's No Strings Attached, not National Security Agency.)
U: exactly!
Aha! So the truth was beginning to come out. Why couldn't he just say that at the outset instead of trying to sound so gentlemanly? Slick, as I said. Too slick for his own good. He didn't know who he was dealing with.
me: ok. sounds reasonable in the circumstances.
U: how have things been on tinder for you?
me: can't complain. a few dates a week.
U: wow! you must be popular.
me: i have no idea. what about you?
U: a few dates here and there.
me: ok. i have to run now, but i'll chat later, ok?
U: sure. bye
I wasn't even sure if the name he gave me was his real name. But I searched for it with the specific job function he performed. After scrolling through lots of people, I stumbled upon a professional profile with the picture of a man who looked like him. Upon closer examination, I was convinced it was the same guy. So now I knew which company he worked for and what his title was. But I wasn't going to use it yet.
That afternoon he contacted me again.
U: hey beautiful!
me: hi there!
U: are you at work?
me: yes. you?
U: me too. what are you doing this evening?
me: nothing planned. you?
U: i have to decide whether to work, go out for a drink or go home.
me: ok
U: what do you think i should do?
Again, was he trying to ask me out? This was getting to be annoying. He seemed to have this tendency to not fully say what he has on his mind. Too slick, perhaps ensuring he doesn't have his fingerprints on anything that happens, or did he simply lack the courage? I doubted the latter. The job he did would have required him to be outgoing, bold. His photo seemed to corroborate that. He looked very much in control and self-confident. So I concluded that he was simply a slick bastard. Imply and let the other person figure out what he really wants.
me: i have no idea. you're a grown boy. so you can decide for yourself.
U: haha! yes, i can. i think i'll work.
me: good for you.
The next morning he contacts me again.
U: hey beautiful! good morning.
me: good morning.
U: what plans for the weekend?
me: not much. just cooking, cleaning, groceries. and a date.
U: wow! nice! who is this guy?
me: how do you want me to answer that question?
U: what are you guys going to be doing?
me: he asked me out last night. either dinner tonight or lunch tomorrow. we haven't decided yet.
I left it vague to give him an opportunity once again to demonstrate that (a) I was willing to meet, and (b) I might still have time this weekend.
U: nice.
me: it would be nice to go out.
A few moments later I decided to go for the kill. This guy was too slippery. He wasn't going to reveal anything more to me.
me: oh, i almost forgot to tell you. i was talking to my girlfriend last night. she's also from pakistan.
me: i was telling her about the guys i've met on tinder.
me: i mentioned your name. and OMG, she screamed that she knows you.
me: i told her that there must be lots of Usmans around here. and she said that's true.
me: i think it's some other usman she's thinking of. she asked me what the guy i was talking to did.
me: i told her. she asked me if he worked for a company called XYZ. [This was the name of the company I had figured out he worked at from doing a web search on him.] i told her that i had no idea.
me: i think she's talking about someone else. this is a huge area with lots of people from around the world.
I ended that spiel on a hopeful note. If he was innocent or completely shameless, he'd have grabbed on to that. But I didn't hear back from him for a few minutes. I wondered what was going on in his mind. What was he going to do? Deny vociferously? Laugh it off? Change the topic?
Not unexpectedly -- although I was surprised by the decisiveness of what he did -- he disappeared from my tinder contact list a few minutes later without a word. So he'd either deleted his profile or blocked me. To me that was enough proof of his guilt. Another married guy got busted! If he was indeed in the process of divorcing his wife, why would he freak out upon learning that someone he knows knows that he's on Tinder?
These guys are strangely foolish. If they were indeed sneaking behind their wives, why would they reveal information about themselves that would make it easy to search them on the web? At the very least, wouldn't they want to use a different name? For intelligent, devious people, they aren't particularly smart. If you're going to do something you feel guilty about, for God's sake, at least cover your tracks!
Usman: Hi! Nice to meet you.
me: nice to meet you too.
U: you're lovely.
me: thanks! where are you from?
U: from here.
me: i mean where were you raised?
U: all over the place.
So this guy won't reveal information too easily, I think.
me: i'm from brasil. what's your ethnicity?
U: well, my parents are from pakistan, if that's what you mean. i lived all over the place.
me: like where?
U: saudi arabia, bahrain, switzerland.
me: ok. how long have you lived in this country?
U: about 17 years. you?
me: about 14. what kind of work do you do?
U: marketing for high tech
me: nice. i'm an accountant.
U: you live in the city?
me: yes, i do. you too?
U: yes.
me: what neighborhood? i live in X.
U: Y. so you know any good places to drink near where you live?
me: there are a few.
Is this guy trying to ask me out or just having conversation?
U: any plans for the evening?
me: no. just relaxing.
Okay, are you going to ask me out or not?
U: good.
me: do you work in the city?
U: no, I work in Z.
me: wow, you've got quite a commute!
U: it is, but i take the train most of the time.
me: when was your last relationship?
U: a few months ago
me: i dated a married guy for a couple of years. we broke it off a few months ago.
U: wow, did you not know he was married?
me: i did. he was a real nice guy and i understood his reasons for straying. i don't judge.
U: that's very understanding.
me: are you single?
U: it's kinda complicated. but i'm separated.
The trick to tell him about having dated a married man seemed to have put him at ease. Separated, indeed. I didn't believe it for a minute, though. But I'd have to be patient.
me: kids?
U: one daughter.
me: nice. do you still live with your wife?
U: yeah, we're in the process of figuring out living arrangements.
I was surprised at how easily he gave away that information.
me: what are you looking for on tinder?
U: to meet people. you?
me: to make new friends and hopefully more. so what does meeting people mean to you?
U: i'm not ready for a relationship. i have to figure out my life and it won't be fair to the other person to drag her into this while i'm figuring things out.
That sounded very reasonable, but I didn't trust it for a minute.
me: so you want something NSA? (That's No Strings Attached, not National Security Agency.)
U: exactly!
Aha! So the truth was beginning to come out. Why couldn't he just say that at the outset instead of trying to sound so gentlemanly? Slick, as I said. Too slick for his own good. He didn't know who he was dealing with.
me: ok. sounds reasonable in the circumstances.
U: how have things been on tinder for you?
me: can't complain. a few dates a week.
U: wow! you must be popular.
me: i have no idea. what about you?
U: a few dates here and there.
me: ok. i have to run now, but i'll chat later, ok?
U: sure. bye
I wasn't even sure if the name he gave me was his real name. But I searched for it with the specific job function he performed. After scrolling through lots of people, I stumbled upon a professional profile with the picture of a man who looked like him. Upon closer examination, I was convinced it was the same guy. So now I knew which company he worked for and what his title was. But I wasn't going to use it yet.
That afternoon he contacted me again.
U: hey beautiful!
me: hi there!
U: are you at work?
me: yes. you?
U: me too. what are you doing this evening?
me: nothing planned. you?
U: i have to decide whether to work, go out for a drink or go home.
me: ok
U: what do you think i should do?
Again, was he trying to ask me out? This was getting to be annoying. He seemed to have this tendency to not fully say what he has on his mind. Too slick, perhaps ensuring he doesn't have his fingerprints on anything that happens, or did he simply lack the courage? I doubted the latter. The job he did would have required him to be outgoing, bold. His photo seemed to corroborate that. He looked very much in control and self-confident. So I concluded that he was simply a slick bastard. Imply and let the other person figure out what he really wants.
me: i have no idea. you're a grown boy. so you can decide for yourself.
U: haha! yes, i can. i think i'll work.
me: good for you.
The next morning he contacts me again.
U: hey beautiful! good morning.
me: good morning.
U: what plans for the weekend?
me: not much. just cooking, cleaning, groceries. and a date.
U: wow! nice! who is this guy?
me: how do you want me to answer that question?
U: what are you guys going to be doing?
me: he asked me out last night. either dinner tonight or lunch tomorrow. we haven't decided yet.
I left it vague to give him an opportunity once again to demonstrate that (a) I was willing to meet, and (b) I might still have time this weekend.
U: nice.
me: it would be nice to go out.
A few moments later I decided to go for the kill. This guy was too slippery. He wasn't going to reveal anything more to me.
me: oh, i almost forgot to tell you. i was talking to my girlfriend last night. she's also from pakistan.
me: i was telling her about the guys i've met on tinder.
me: i mentioned your name. and OMG, she screamed that she knows you.
me: i told her that there must be lots of Usmans around here. and she said that's true.
me: i think it's some other usman she's thinking of. she asked me what the guy i was talking to did.
me: i told her. she asked me if he worked for a company called XYZ. [This was the name of the company I had figured out he worked at from doing a web search on him.] i told her that i had no idea.
me: i think she's talking about someone else. this is a huge area with lots of people from around the world.
I ended that spiel on a hopeful note. If he was innocent or completely shameless, he'd have grabbed on to that. But I didn't hear back from him for a few minutes. I wondered what was going on in his mind. What was he going to do? Deny vociferously? Laugh it off? Change the topic?
Not unexpectedly -- although I was surprised by the decisiveness of what he did -- he disappeared from my tinder contact list a few minutes later without a word. So he'd either deleted his profile or blocked me. To me that was enough proof of his guilt. Another married guy got busted! If he was indeed in the process of divorcing his wife, why would he freak out upon learning that someone he knows knows that he's on Tinder?
These guys are strangely foolish. If they were indeed sneaking behind their wives, why would they reveal information about themselves that would make it easy to search them on the web? At the very least, wouldn't they want to use a different name? For intelligent, devious people, they aren't particularly smart. If you're going to do something you feel guilty about, for God's sake, at least cover your tracks!
Thursday, December 26, 2013
The Unfunny, Cheap Braggart
Gagan, a 34-year old Indian guy, who looked cocky in his photos, got in touch with me. He turned out to be a cheap bastard, although that's not an entirely fair assessment, as you'll see below.
g: how was the weekend
me: it was good. and yours?
g: fun...
g: where do you live?
me: in the city. you?
g: me too
me: what kind of work do you do?
g: out of work stripper
g: :)
g: U
That was the first thing I was annoyed by. What's the big deal in saying what they do? Clearly he has something to hide. And he was as frugal with punctuation as he would turn out to be with money.
me: you must be really bad if you're out of work as a male stripper in a great economy.
g: LOL...yes
g: u r funny
g: what about u?
me: i'm a trans whore
g: that's what i thought
g: r u good?
g: :)
me: i must be. i have more business than i can handle.
g: how bout u show me some of those moves ...lunch plans?
me: yes, dear, with a customer. he's taking me to X [the name of the most famous, expensive restaurant in this area].
g: oh
me: been there? but i can do dinner tonight.
g: ok. Y [the name of a real cheap restaurant in the city]
me: no, been there. don't like it. have you been to Z1? [i referred to another expensive restaurant]
While we're chatting I've been looking up yelp at all the $$$$ restaurants in the area and making references to them.
g: i'm a vegetarian so no
me: how about Z2? it's italian. they should have enough vegetarian options
g: K
me: great. will you make reservations? and what time?
g: at 8 or 2?
me: works for me. thanks.
g: text me ur no
me: sorry, i don't give out my number until i meet someone in person. safety issue. i hope you understand.
g: damn now how m i supposed to stalk u without having gps info
me: lol. if you're nice to me over dinner you'll be able to do that. :)
g: like ur sense of humor
me: then you'll like me even more. :)
g: ok c u at 8
In the meantime, I went to Z2's website to see if there were reservations available to that evening. Unfortunately, the earliest they had available was a few days later.
me: hey, if Z2 is booked, then how about Z3?
g: we can do El Cheapo #2 on XYZ street
g: u been there?
Again, another cheap suggestion. I was determined to fend it off.
me: yes, i have. not a great place for a first meeting. if you don't like Z3, how about Z4?
me: or you might prefer Sexy Adult Club? hehe
g: i like that :)
g: well Z4 sounds good.
me: ok. please make reservations there or we might not get a table. see you at 8! :)
g: c u in the evening
me: looking forward to it.
Later that day...
g: Z4 is closed today
g: how about Another Cheap Italian Restaurant?
I didn't believe this guy. So I went to Z4's website. No mention of it being closed. I looked for a table for that night. They had reservations available.
me: Z4 is open today. reservations even available online.
g: K... i saw the site and it had closed on thursday so anyways then we are on for 8
Liar. No such information on the website. Cheap bastard! Had all the bravado to ask me out right away, but doesn't like the consequences of his actions. Having said that, I do admit that it is unfair to be asked by a woman to be taken to an expensive restaurant on the first date. I don't like it when it's done to me, especially when you have no idea of you're going to like each other or not, and there was a part of me that didn't like doing it to this guy. I was about to write to him before the date that I couldn't make it and put him out of his misery. But I disliked him sufficiently, so I quickly suppressed the thought.
Around 8 he writes to me...
g: i'm here. where are you?
me: so sorry, on my way there. running late. will be there in 10-15 mins.
g: ok
me: please take our table. will be there as soon as i can.
g: ok
me: and won't you be a dear and order me a glass of their taurasi vinosia to start with?
g: sure
me: and you should order a drink too. remember, the drink in a man's hand always makes the first impression.
g: is that right?
me: yes. can't wait to see you
Later...
g: hey, where are u
g: u there
g: y aren't u responding
g: i'm sitting here by myself
g: not cool
.....
Didn't I say I was evil? Yes, I know I'll be paid back in kind one day by some woman who takes a dislike for me. But until then, I'm going to savor this twerp's predicament.
g: how was the weekend
me: it was good. and yours?
g: fun...
g: where do you live?
me: in the city. you?
g: me too
me: what kind of work do you do?
g: out of work stripper
g: :)
g: U
That was the first thing I was annoyed by. What's the big deal in saying what they do? Clearly he has something to hide. And he was as frugal with punctuation as he would turn out to be with money.
me: you must be really bad if you're out of work as a male stripper in a great economy.
g: LOL...yes
g: u r funny
g: what about u?
me: i'm a trans whore
g: that's what i thought
g: r u good?
g: :)
me: i must be. i have more business than i can handle.
g: how bout u show me some of those moves ...lunch plans?
me: yes, dear, with a customer. he's taking me to X [the name of the most famous, expensive restaurant in this area].
g: oh
me: been there? but i can do dinner tonight.
g: ok. Y [the name of a real cheap restaurant in the city]
me: no, been there. don't like it. have you been to Z1? [i referred to another expensive restaurant]
While we're chatting I've been looking up yelp at all the $$$$ restaurants in the area and making references to them.
g: i'm a vegetarian so no
me: how about Z2? it's italian. they should have enough vegetarian options
g: K
me: great. will you make reservations? and what time?
g: at 8 or 2?
me: works for me. thanks.
g: text me ur no
me: sorry, i don't give out my number until i meet someone in person. safety issue. i hope you understand.
g: damn now how m i supposed to stalk u without having gps info
me: lol. if you're nice to me over dinner you'll be able to do that. :)
g: like ur sense of humor
me: then you'll like me even more. :)
g: ok c u at 8
In the meantime, I went to Z2's website to see if there were reservations available to that evening. Unfortunately, the earliest they had available was a few days later.
me: hey, if Z2 is booked, then how about Z3?
g: we can do El Cheapo #2 on XYZ street
g: u been there?
Again, another cheap suggestion. I was determined to fend it off.
me: yes, i have. not a great place for a first meeting. if you don't like Z3, how about Z4?
me: or you might prefer Sexy Adult Club? hehe
g: i like that :)
g: well Z4 sounds good.
me: ok. please make reservations there or we might not get a table. see you at 8! :)
g: c u in the evening
me: looking forward to it.
Later that day...
g: Z4 is closed today
g: how about Another Cheap Italian Restaurant?
I didn't believe this guy. So I went to Z4's website. No mention of it being closed. I looked for a table for that night. They had reservations available.
me: Z4 is open today. reservations even available online.
g: K... i saw the site and it had closed on thursday so anyways then we are on for 8
Liar. No such information on the website. Cheap bastard! Had all the bravado to ask me out right away, but doesn't like the consequences of his actions. Having said that, I do admit that it is unfair to be asked by a woman to be taken to an expensive restaurant on the first date. I don't like it when it's done to me, especially when you have no idea of you're going to like each other or not, and there was a part of me that didn't like doing it to this guy. I was about to write to him before the date that I couldn't make it and put him out of his misery. But I disliked him sufficiently, so I quickly suppressed the thought.
Around 8 he writes to me...
g: i'm here. where are you?
me: so sorry, on my way there. running late. will be there in 10-15 mins.
g: ok
me: please take our table. will be there as soon as i can.
g: ok
me: and won't you be a dear and order me a glass of their taurasi vinosia to start with?
g: sure
me: and you should order a drink too. remember, the drink in a man's hand always makes the first impression.
g: is that right?
me: yes. can't wait to see you
Later...
g: hey, where are u
g: u there
g: y aren't u responding
g: i'm sitting here by myself
g: not cool
.....
Didn't I say I was evil? Yes, I know I'll be paid back in kind one day by some woman who takes a dislike for me. But until then, I'm going to savor this twerp's predicament.
Adventures on Tinder: Are They All This Bad?
So a friend asked me if all my experiences on Tinder have been as lousy/funny as my posts make them out to be. The answer is no. I just choose to write about them. I encountered a couple of truly decent guys and a few who were as boring as mud. And a few with flashes of memorable conversations interspersed with long, boring interludes. Here are some examples:
1. I've already mentioned this academic guy in an open marriage. He was caucasian, in his late 30s. He wasn't great looking. But he was very decent, thoughtful and open. He had brains. No innuendos, no double entendres. He wasn't a braggart, didn't try too hard to impress me. And yet I was impressed. Had I been a woman I'd have truly wanted to meet him, even if I wasn't the open/poly relationship type of woman. Why? Because such decent guys are so rare, why the heck not give them a chance? Besides, what do you have to lose by meeting a guy for coffee?
2. An Indian guy in his early 50s, divorced, with a couple of older kids. Again, a very decent, honorable guy. Didn't come on strong. Not bad looking either. I didn't talk to him much because I feel guilty wasting good people's time. But I chatted with him enough to know that had I been a woman I'd have loved to meet him.
3. An airline pilot, 1/2 Middle-Eastern, 1/2 European. I didn't talk to him much either. But handsome fellow. While I don't think he was as honorable as the previous two, he behaved decently. I would have gone out with him too.
4. David, a 52 year old white guy. Big built, but was only interested in slim women. Had a decent main photo, but the rest of his photos revealed him to be quite trashy. One of those that slipped through the cracks. The conversation was short and went like this:
And I wanted to tell him that what he considered to be bold was a major turn-off, among other things. They guy spoke just as unappetizingly as he looked. So I had not time for him. I simply ignored him.
5. Manuel, a 33-year old Spaniard who worked as a graphic designer. After a reasonable start to the conversation, he only wanted to talk about sex, and that too stuff off center. About how he dated a woman who was into kinky stuff and asked him to do crazy things and how he used rings on his penis. The conversation was uninteresting. I simply stopped responding to him.
6. Fahad, a 50 year old Arab who also claimed to be part South American. He worked in sports broadcasting. While he didn't say anything outlandish, he was never far from conversation that was borderline. Lots of innuendos. Never came out and said what was actually on his mind. Kept fishing to see if I'd respond favorably to his innuendos. I didn't. Wanted to meet me right away. Didn't have anything interesting to say. So I stopped responding to him at some point.
7. Lee, a 42-year old Korean guy. Like Fahad, he often went close to the border, but never said anything perverted or sexual. But when I did, like make a reference to boobs, he'd latch on to it. I'd much rather that someone said what was really on their minds instead of fishing around the periphery. Shows lack of courage. Wimps!
1. I've already mentioned this academic guy in an open marriage. He was caucasian, in his late 30s. He wasn't great looking. But he was very decent, thoughtful and open. He had brains. No innuendos, no double entendres. He wasn't a braggart, didn't try too hard to impress me. And yet I was impressed. Had I been a woman I'd have truly wanted to meet him, even if I wasn't the open/poly relationship type of woman. Why? Because such decent guys are so rare, why the heck not give them a chance? Besides, what do you have to lose by meeting a guy for coffee?
2. An Indian guy in his early 50s, divorced, with a couple of older kids. Again, a very decent, honorable guy. Didn't come on strong. Not bad looking either. I didn't talk to him much because I feel guilty wasting good people's time. But I chatted with him enough to know that had I been a woman I'd have loved to meet him.
3. An airline pilot, 1/2 Middle-Eastern, 1/2 European. I didn't talk to him much either. But handsome fellow. While I don't think he was as honorable as the previous two, he behaved decently. I would have gone out with him too.
4. David, a 52 year old white guy. Big built, but was only interested in slim women. Had a decent main photo, but the rest of his photos revealed him to be quite trashy. One of those that slipped through the cracks. The conversation was short and went like this:
D: hi L. you didn't say much about yourself. shall we get together and see what we have in common?
me: jumping a few steps, aren't we? :)
d: well, it got a response! starting with something less bold seems to be a turn-off or something. i'm more than happy to chat first.
And I wanted to tell him that what he considered to be bold was a major turn-off, among other things. They guy spoke just as unappetizingly as he looked. So I had not time for him. I simply ignored him.
5. Manuel, a 33-year old Spaniard who worked as a graphic designer. After a reasonable start to the conversation, he only wanted to talk about sex, and that too stuff off center. About how he dated a woman who was into kinky stuff and asked him to do crazy things and how he used rings on his penis. The conversation was uninteresting. I simply stopped responding to him.
6. Fahad, a 50 year old Arab who also claimed to be part South American. He worked in sports broadcasting. While he didn't say anything outlandish, he was never far from conversation that was borderline. Lots of innuendos. Never came out and said what was actually on his mind. Kept fishing to see if I'd respond favorably to his innuendos. I didn't. Wanted to meet me right away. Didn't have anything interesting to say. So I stopped responding to him at some point.
7. Lee, a 42-year old Korean guy. Like Fahad, he often went close to the border, but never said anything perverted or sexual. But when I did, like make a reference to boobs, he'd latch on to it. I'd much rather that someone said what was really on their minds instead of fishing around the periphery. Shows lack of courage. Wimps!
The Married Man or Carlos the Pakistani (Part 2)
I'm truly evil!
I thought I'd blocked Carlos the Pakistani, but it turned out that I hadn't actually typed in the word 'blocked' that would block a profile. So he popped up again the next day.
C: hey there sexy! good morning. :)))
me: hey handsome. what's cookin'?
C: my daydreams about you and your sexy bod.
me: were you nice to me in your daydreams.
C: hardly! hahahaha
me: naughty boy!
C: guilty as charged
me: so your wife has no idea what you do?
C: nope
me: you're devious
C: guilty as charged again! but then what's life without a little adventure.
me: don't try to justify. if you have to do something, just do it. don't rationalize it.
C: hahaha
me: i have to run now, but i'll be back later.
C: ok. MWAAAH! i'm waiting for you.
(Later...)
me: hey! i think your wife suspects something.
C: what do you mean?
me: i've been chatting with this really weird dude who's been asking me all kinds of questions about the guys i've been chatting with.
C: what kind of questions?
me: first he asked if i was chatting with any persians. i said no. then he asked if there were any indians. i said one. then how about a pakistani. i said yes.
C: and then?
me: then he asked all kinds of questions about these guys. i was evasive in my response.
C: but that doesn't mean it's my wife.
me: you're right. it's probably nothing. just some random weirdo. never mind.
(Having planted the seed, my initial job was done. If I knew men, that wasn't going to be the end of this topic for Carlos. So, not surprisingly, still later...)
C: any more chats with that guy?
me: yes. it's getting weirder and weirder.
C: what do you mean?
me: i think that person is a woman, not a man. she's definitely snooping around for more information.
C: like what?
me: either it's information on me or some guy
C: like what????
me: i have a strong feeling it's a woman trying to figure out what her husband/bf has been up to
C: what DID she ask????
(I could sense the desperation in his voice. He had already given me enough clues about the specific kind of work he did. I did a google search on his real first name and the work he did. And sure enough, I found information on a guy who looked a lot like Carlos' profile picture on Tinder. I now knew which company he worked for.)
me: weird questions. like how old these guys were. and strangely, she asked if any of them worked at company X. i said i had no idea.
C: i see
(Not bad. Cool customer. But that had to be an act. Seriously, the guy's cover was blown. Yes, I'm devious. But I was having too much fun at his expense.)
me: anyway, how has your day been?
C: good.
me: i have to rush. chat later, ok?
(Later that evening...)
C: so any more news from the wacko?
me: yes, more weird stuff. wanted to know the names of the guys from india and pakistan.
C: really?
me: yes, i'm just going to give her a couple of names. maybe yours and another guy's.
C: no, no, don't do that!
me: why not? is your name not common?
C: no, it's not.
me: okay, i'll make up a name then.
C: good.
me: can you suggest a name?
C: rashid.
me: thanks.
C: thank U!
(A few moments later...)
C: are you chatting with her?
me: yes. she's asking all kinds of questions. i'm having a hard time lying to her.
C: why don't you block her.
me: yeah, i'm going to ignore her questions. but then i have nothing to hide, so i'm not worried.
C: but i have something to hide.
me: oh, yes, true. i had not thought about that.
C: block her.
me: i don't know. there's an interesting story there. i want to get to know what's going on.
C: please block her.
me: i'll think about it. at least i'll try to make up my answers. are we still meeting tomorrow?
C: yes
me: good.
C: please don't tell her anything about me.
me: ok, no problem.
C: thank you.
me: so tomorrow at cafe X at 5pm?
C: yes
me: and, don't worry, i won't tell her anything about you.
C: good
(So I was curious to know what he would do next. I'd been expecting him to change his mind on meeting me, so I was surprised that he hadn't. Still, I expected him to 'stand me up'. Surely a guy wasn't going to be stupid enough to show up for a date with a woman who'd blown his cover, even if in a fake innocent way. His wiggling out of the date would have simply been confirmation that he was indeed the guy who worked at that particular company.
Sure enough, the next morning, his profile was gone. Either he'd deleted it, which would have been the smart thing to do, or he'd just blocked me. Needless it is to say, I succeeded in giving this guy a bit of a scare. Now the question is: how long will its effects last? Any guesses? :))
I thought I'd blocked Carlos the Pakistani, but it turned out that I hadn't actually typed in the word 'blocked' that would block a profile. So he popped up again the next day.
C: hey there sexy! good morning. :)))
me: hey handsome. what's cookin'?
C: my daydreams about you and your sexy bod.
me: were you nice to me in your daydreams.
C: hardly! hahahaha
me: naughty boy!
C: guilty as charged
me: so your wife has no idea what you do?
C: nope
me: you're devious
C: guilty as charged again! but then what's life without a little adventure.
me: don't try to justify. if you have to do something, just do it. don't rationalize it.
C: hahaha
me: i have to run now, but i'll be back later.
C: ok. MWAAAH! i'm waiting for you.
(Later...)
me: hey! i think your wife suspects something.
C: what do you mean?
me: i've been chatting with this really weird dude who's been asking me all kinds of questions about the guys i've been chatting with.
C: what kind of questions?
me: first he asked if i was chatting with any persians. i said no. then he asked if there were any indians. i said one. then how about a pakistani. i said yes.
C: and then?
me: then he asked all kinds of questions about these guys. i was evasive in my response.
C: but that doesn't mean it's my wife.
me: you're right. it's probably nothing. just some random weirdo. never mind.
(Having planted the seed, my initial job was done. If I knew men, that wasn't going to be the end of this topic for Carlos. So, not surprisingly, still later...)
C: any more chats with that guy?
me: yes. it's getting weirder and weirder.
C: what do you mean?
me: i think that person is a woman, not a man. she's definitely snooping around for more information.
C: like what?
me: either it's information on me or some guy
C: like what????
me: i have a strong feeling it's a woman trying to figure out what her husband/bf has been up to
C: what DID she ask????
(I could sense the desperation in his voice. He had already given me enough clues about the specific kind of work he did. I did a google search on his real first name and the work he did. And sure enough, I found information on a guy who looked a lot like Carlos' profile picture on Tinder. I now knew which company he worked for.)
me: weird questions. like how old these guys were. and strangely, she asked if any of them worked at company X. i said i had no idea.
C: i see
(Not bad. Cool customer. But that had to be an act. Seriously, the guy's cover was blown. Yes, I'm devious. But I was having too much fun at his expense.)
me: anyway, how has your day been?
C: good.
me: i have to rush. chat later, ok?
(Later that evening...)
C: so any more news from the wacko?
me: yes, more weird stuff. wanted to know the names of the guys from india and pakistan.
C: really?
me: yes, i'm just going to give her a couple of names. maybe yours and another guy's.
C: no, no, don't do that!
me: why not? is your name not common?
C: no, it's not.
me: okay, i'll make up a name then.
C: good.
me: can you suggest a name?
C: rashid.
me: thanks.
C: thank U!
(A few moments later...)
C: are you chatting with her?
me: yes. she's asking all kinds of questions. i'm having a hard time lying to her.
C: why don't you block her.
me: yeah, i'm going to ignore her questions. but then i have nothing to hide, so i'm not worried.
C: but i have something to hide.
me: oh, yes, true. i had not thought about that.
C: block her.
me: i don't know. there's an interesting story there. i want to get to know what's going on.
C: please block her.
me: i'll think about it. at least i'll try to make up my answers. are we still meeting tomorrow?
C: yes
me: good.
C: please don't tell her anything about me.
me: ok, no problem.
C: thank you.
me: so tomorrow at cafe X at 5pm?
C: yes
me: and, don't worry, i won't tell her anything about you.
C: good
(So I was curious to know what he would do next. I'd been expecting him to change his mind on meeting me, so I was surprised that he hadn't. Still, I expected him to 'stand me up'. Surely a guy wasn't going to be stupid enough to show up for a date with a woman who'd blown his cover, even if in a fake innocent way. His wiggling out of the date would have simply been confirmation that he was indeed the guy who worked at that particular company.
Sure enough, the next morning, his profile was gone. Either he'd deleted it, which would have been the smart thing to do, or he'd just blocked me. Needless it is to say, I succeeded in giving this guy a bit of a scare. Now the question is: how long will its effects last? Any guesses? :))
Wednesday, December 25, 2013
The Prick: More Adventures on Tinder as a Woman
He was 36. In his main photo he looked a bit nerdy. So I thought what the heck, and swiped him right.
Soon we were matched. The conversation was short, and went like this...
The Prick: What's up pussycat? I'm John. I'm from the UK, passing through for a couple of days.
me: is that a double entendre?
TP: depends on whether you want it to be.
me: you tell me.
TP: i think you want it to be.
me: ok
TP: want to meet up?
me: are you looking for travel hook-up?
TP: are you okay with that kind of shit?
me: you tell me.
TP: i think you are.
me: you already know me so well.
TP: i can always tell.
me: must be scary having a gift like that.
TP: yes, sometimes it is. i'm staying at the X. here's the link... we can meet here.
me: i'd prefer my place. more comfortable.
TP: ok. where do you live?
me: i live in Y. about 15 minutes by car from where you are.
TP: send me your address. i can come there now.
me: first we'll meet outside.
TP: here's my number. call me.
(The number he sent me was a UK number.)
me: sorry, i don't make international calls.
TP: since i'm from the UK, that's the only number i have. or give me yours and i'll call you.
me: sorry, i don't give out my number until i meet someone.
TP: ok, then where do you want to meet?
(I got busy with something else for a few minutes. When I turned my attention back to Tinder, I see another message from him.)
TP: answer me missy. i asked a question.
(Really? Is this guy for real? Until then I really wasn't going to make him run around, but that rude message ticked me off. Rather than fume at him, I played nice.)
me: sorry, sweetie. can you meet me at cafe Z?
TP: i'm looking it up. how soon can you be there?
me: in 20 mins.
TP: okay, getting into a taxi now.
me: looking forward to seeing you. :)
(Twenty minutes later, I get another message...)
TP: i'm here. where are you?
me: i'm there. inside.
TP: where inside?
me: right by the door.
TP: i'm right by the door. i don't see you.
me: look harder.
TP: i'm looking everywhere.
me: i'm right behind you. booo!
(At first I toyed with the idea of just dropping off. But I didn't want him to get furious at my having stood him up and complaining to Tinder. I didn't want to be booted off this app yet. I was having way too much fun. So I simply blocked him. It deletes all our messages and if I'm not mistaken, it takes me off his list and there would be no way for him to contact me or report me. So, with one decisive gesture, I deleted the prick and for the first time I felt someone truly deserved to be stood up.)
Soon we were matched. The conversation was short, and went like this...
The Prick: What's up pussycat? I'm John. I'm from the UK, passing through for a couple of days.
me: is that a double entendre?
TP: depends on whether you want it to be.
me: you tell me.
TP: i think you want it to be.
me: ok
TP: want to meet up?
me: are you looking for travel hook-up?
TP: are you okay with that kind of shit?
me: you tell me.
TP: i think you are.
me: you already know me so well.
TP: i can always tell.
me: must be scary having a gift like that.
TP: yes, sometimes it is. i'm staying at the X. here's the link... we can meet here.
me: i'd prefer my place. more comfortable.
TP: ok. where do you live?
me: i live in Y. about 15 minutes by car from where you are.
TP: send me your address. i can come there now.
me: first we'll meet outside.
TP: here's my number. call me.
(The number he sent me was a UK number.)
me: sorry, i don't make international calls.
TP: since i'm from the UK, that's the only number i have. or give me yours and i'll call you.
me: sorry, i don't give out my number until i meet someone.
TP: ok, then where do you want to meet?
(I got busy with something else for a few minutes. When I turned my attention back to Tinder, I see another message from him.)
TP: answer me missy. i asked a question.
(Really? Is this guy for real? Until then I really wasn't going to make him run around, but that rude message ticked me off. Rather than fume at him, I played nice.)
me: sorry, sweetie. can you meet me at cafe Z?
TP: i'm looking it up. how soon can you be there?
me: in 20 mins.
TP: okay, getting into a taxi now.
me: looking forward to seeing you. :)
(Twenty minutes later, I get another message...)
TP: i'm here. where are you?
me: i'm there. inside.
TP: where inside?
me: right by the door.
TP: i'm right by the door. i don't see you.
me: look harder.
TP: i'm looking everywhere.
me: i'm right behind you. booo!
(At first I toyed with the idea of just dropping off. But I didn't want him to get furious at my having stood him up and complaining to Tinder. I didn't want to be booted off this app yet. I was having way too much fun. So I simply blocked him. It deletes all our messages and if I'm not mistaken, it takes me off his list and there would be no way for him to contact me or report me. So, with one decisive gesture, I deleted the prick and for the first time I felt someone truly deserved to be stood up.)
Adventures on Tinder as a Woman: The Eager Beaver
Okay, I am evil. I don't like it when women do this to me, but it was an opportunity I couldn't pass up.
So this guy with photos of himself in all sorts of heroic activities, like swimming in a shallow pool, cycling around a park, carrying groceries and driving an expensive car, gets matched with me. Not a bad looking bloke, but cocky-looking.
Bloke: hiya there! you did the right thing by swiping right! :) here i am at your service.
me: hi! good to know.
b: do you live in the city?
me: yes, i do.
b: isn't this the greatest city in the world? :)
me: hmmm, perhaps. where are you from?
b: the whole world belongs to me.
me: i'm sure. but whereabouts did you spring forth into the world from?
b: haha! you're funny. i like that in a woman. i'm from the beautiful land of india.
me: i would have guessed that.
b: but you didn't.
me: true.
b: how about we carry on this conversation over drinks? care to join me at X?
me: i'd like to get to know you better first if that's okay with you?
b: sure, sure. take your time. so where are you from?
me: from brazil.
b: aha! so you're a sexy brazilian.
me: so i've been told.
b: you know what makes sexy brazilians even sexier?
me: what?
b: a sexy brazilian with a sexy drink in her hand.
me: ok.
b: so what say we get you a drink?
me: as i told you, i'd like to know you better before meeting you.
b: sure, sure. take your time.
me: thanks.
b: how long have you been in this country?
me: about 10 years. you?
b: about 20 years.
me: nice.
b: so you still have a sexy brazilian accent?
me: i suppose i do.
b: i love the brazilian accent. it's so sensual. brazilians themselves are so sensual.
me: even when we burp and fart?
b: hahaha! yes even then.
me: good, because i'm farting now.
b: hahaha! so what say we get together.
me: despite my farting?
b: especially because of your farting.
(Okay, I get why men have to try to impress women, but this guy has no sense of decorum. By now I have no respect for him.)
me: later, ok?
b: sure, sure. take your time.
me: what work do you do?
b: i'm in high tech.
me: i'm an accountant. what do you do for fun?
b: oh, boy, you name it. salsa, bungee jumping, marathons, deep sea diving, hiking to macchu pichhu, drinking cocktails with friends and beautiful women. haha! and what about you?
me: lounging on my sofa and watching people do all those things on tv.
b: haha! now get your ass off the sofa and have a real drink with me. your choice.
(Very magnanimous of you. This guy was now thoroughly irritating me. I had to get him to shut up. I also had this desire to teach this gas-bag a lesson. Seriously, women fall for this kind of nonsense?)
me: ok, i guess.
b: cool! how about at 10pm?
me: can you make it 9?
b: even better!
me: see you later, sexy!
b: ooh, you're flirty! looking forward to it, ravishing lady!
(10 minutes to 9, he contacts me.)
b: L, sorry, i'm running 10 minutes late. i hope you don't mind. please make yourself comfortable and order yourself a drink. any drink. it's on me.
me: don't worry, sweetie, i'm enjoying myself. take your time.
b: ooh, nice. can't wait to set my eyes on you.
me: me too.
(later...)
b: hey, i'm here. are you the sexy woman in the corner?
me: yes. where are you?
b: i'm waving at you. can't you see me?
me: yes, i can. come over.
(I imagined this twerp approaching the woman in the corner and trying out his oily lines on her, and her throwing her drink on his face. Chuckling in an evil manner, I block this guy, and close the app.)
So this guy with photos of himself in all sorts of heroic activities, like swimming in a shallow pool, cycling around a park, carrying groceries and driving an expensive car, gets matched with me. Not a bad looking bloke, but cocky-looking.
Bloke: hiya there! you did the right thing by swiping right! :) here i am at your service.
me: hi! good to know.
b: do you live in the city?
me: yes, i do.
b: isn't this the greatest city in the world? :)
me: hmmm, perhaps. where are you from?
b: the whole world belongs to me.
me: i'm sure. but whereabouts did you spring forth into the world from?
b: haha! you're funny. i like that in a woman. i'm from the beautiful land of india.
me: i would have guessed that.
b: but you didn't.
me: true.
b: how about we carry on this conversation over drinks? care to join me at X?
me: i'd like to get to know you better first if that's okay with you?
b: sure, sure. take your time. so where are you from?
me: from brazil.
b: aha! so you're a sexy brazilian.
me: so i've been told.
b: you know what makes sexy brazilians even sexier?
me: what?
b: a sexy brazilian with a sexy drink in her hand.
me: ok.
b: so what say we get you a drink?
me: as i told you, i'd like to know you better before meeting you.
b: sure, sure. take your time.
me: thanks.
b: how long have you been in this country?
me: about 10 years. you?
b: about 20 years.
me: nice.
b: so you still have a sexy brazilian accent?
me: i suppose i do.
b: i love the brazilian accent. it's so sensual. brazilians themselves are so sensual.
me: even when we burp and fart?
b: hahaha! yes even then.
me: good, because i'm farting now.
b: hahaha! so what say we get together.
me: despite my farting?
b: especially because of your farting.
(Okay, I get why men have to try to impress women, but this guy has no sense of decorum. By now I have no respect for him.)
me: later, ok?
b: sure, sure. take your time.
me: what work do you do?
b: i'm in high tech.
me: i'm an accountant. what do you do for fun?
b: oh, boy, you name it. salsa, bungee jumping, marathons, deep sea diving, hiking to macchu pichhu, drinking cocktails with friends and beautiful women. haha! and what about you?
me: lounging on my sofa and watching people do all those things on tv.
b: haha! now get your ass off the sofa and have a real drink with me. your choice.
(Very magnanimous of you. This guy was now thoroughly irritating me. I had to get him to shut up. I also had this desire to teach this gas-bag a lesson. Seriously, women fall for this kind of nonsense?)
me: ok, i guess.
b: cool! how about at 10pm?
me: can you make it 9?
b: even better!
me: see you later, sexy!
b: ooh, you're flirty! looking forward to it, ravishing lady!
(10 minutes to 9, he contacts me.)
b: L, sorry, i'm running 10 minutes late. i hope you don't mind. please make yourself comfortable and order yourself a drink. any drink. it's on me.
me: don't worry, sweetie, i'm enjoying myself. take your time.
b: ooh, nice. can't wait to set my eyes on you.
me: me too.
(later...)
b: hey, i'm here. are you the sexy woman in the corner?
me: yes. where are you?
b: i'm waving at you. can't you see me?
me: yes, i can. come over.
(I imagined this twerp approaching the woman in the corner and trying out his oily lines on her, and her throwing her drink on his face. Chuckling in an evil manner, I block this guy, and close the app.)
Adventures on Tinder as a Woman: The Contractor
Firstly, I know I'm bad. I wanted to get that out of the way in advance of what is to follow.
So I get matched with this 50 year old white guy. I don't remember swiping him right (i.e., approving him in Tinderlingo), but obviously I must have.
white dude: Hi there! We matched! How are you doing?
me: i'm well, thanks. how are you?
wd: great! are you working today?
me: no, i don't work on weekends. you?
wd: kinda. working around the house.
me: what do you do?
wd: i'm a contractor. i supply and repair manufacturing machinery. what about you?
me: i'm an accountant. are you single?
wd: yes. separated. you?
me: me too. do you still live with your wife?
wd: no. been a year.
me: any kids?
wd: no. you?
me: me neither.
wd: have you had lunch yet?
me: no, why?
wd: wanna meet?
(Wow, that was quick. I can see his lascivious grin in his photo. So I decide to play with him.)
me: sure. your place or mine?
wd: your choice.
(So the dude did not blink. Smooth operator.)
me: i'd prefer my place. more comfortable here. but first, let's meet at the cafe around the corner.
wd: sure.
me: do you know X?
wd: no, but i can find it. how about in 1.5 hours?
me: works for me.
wd: i have all afternoon for you.
me: nice. :)
(Now he lives about 45 miles from me. As I was about to close out that conversation I felt a twinge of guilt.)
me: you know, we could meet midway in Y.
wd: works for me. your place might be better for dinner tonight. :)
me: ok, let's meet at Cafe A on B Ave. do you know it?
wd: no, but i'm looking it up on my gps.
me: why do you need a gps. not impressed.
wd: huh? what does that mean?
me: i like guys who know their way around.
wd: i just want to be sure.
me: that's ok. i'm just teasing you.
wd: oh, ok. :) see you in 45 mins.
me: see you.
(I feel guilty. I hesitate for a moment.)
me: oh, wait, i completely forgot that i was supposed to meet someone else for coffee. soooooo sorrryyyy. can we do this another day?
wd: are you sure? i'm a pretty cool dude.
me: i'm sure you are. but i have a prior engagement.
wd: ok, call me at xxx-xxx-xxxx.
me: ok, later.
wd: what do you have to lose. you might actually like me a lot. :-)))
me: chat with you later.
(Later that afternoon...)
wd: you haven't called yet.
me: i'll call you later. i'm making out right now with a girlfriend. hahaha
wd: long kiss lol
me: yes, long kiss and more lol
(later still...)
wd: still with your friend?
me: no, done.
wd: how was it?
me: really nice. :)
wd: sweet! i'd have loved to watch.
me: i'm sure.
(pause)
wd: how long have you been separated?
me: a year
wd: who left whom?
me: it was mutual. how about you? who left whom?
wd: that's kinda personal
me: really? you asked me the same question. if you don't want to answer, don't ask.
wd: gotcha. that was for the gps ding.
me: really?
(Boy, this guy is petty and not very intelligent in his come back either.)
wd: just kidding. i wasn't perfect for her.
me: you weren't?
wd: i thought i was.
me: i'm sure you were.
wd: but she was high maintenance. good riddance, i say. anyway, what are you looking for?
me: friendship and passion
wd: nice. do you really like girls? or were you teasing me?
me: oh, i can get naughty with some girls
wd: 3somes?
me: why, you want one?
wd: i'm open. looking for passion and friendship like you. and i'm not the jealous type either.
me: well, then, find me another man and the 3 of us can have fun
wd: i know a couple of girls who'll like you. your [sic] cute in the bikini.
me: no. only 2 men.
wd: your [sic] sassy
me: so what do you want?
wd: fun. passion. someone to hangout with.
me: why don't you play with yourself?
wd: oh, come on. please. let me come over. i promise i'm really good.
me: i'm sure you are.
wd: i'll do everything to please you.
wd: i have references.
wd: ask the women i've been with
wd: you there?
wd: hello!
wd: i guess your [sic] gone.
wd: i'm really, really good
(His begging was pathetic. I did what a lot of women probably do. Blocked him and moved on to another man.)
So I get matched with this 50 year old white guy. I don't remember swiping him right (i.e., approving him in Tinderlingo), but obviously I must have.
white dude: Hi there! We matched! How are you doing?
me: i'm well, thanks. how are you?
wd: great! are you working today?
me: no, i don't work on weekends. you?
wd: kinda. working around the house.
me: what do you do?
wd: i'm a contractor. i supply and repair manufacturing machinery. what about you?
me: i'm an accountant. are you single?
wd: yes. separated. you?
me: me too. do you still live with your wife?
wd: no. been a year.
me: any kids?
wd: no. you?
me: me neither.
wd: have you had lunch yet?
me: no, why?
wd: wanna meet?
(Wow, that was quick. I can see his lascivious grin in his photo. So I decide to play with him.)
me: sure. your place or mine?
wd: your choice.
(So the dude did not blink. Smooth operator.)
me: i'd prefer my place. more comfortable here. but first, let's meet at the cafe around the corner.
wd: sure.
me: do you know X?
wd: no, but i can find it. how about in 1.5 hours?
me: works for me.
wd: i have all afternoon for you.
me: nice. :)
(Now he lives about 45 miles from me. As I was about to close out that conversation I felt a twinge of guilt.)
me: you know, we could meet midway in Y.
wd: works for me. your place might be better for dinner tonight. :)
me: ok, let's meet at Cafe A on B Ave. do you know it?
wd: no, but i'm looking it up on my gps.
me: why do you need a gps. not impressed.
wd: huh? what does that mean?
me: i like guys who know their way around.
wd: i just want to be sure.
me: that's ok. i'm just teasing you.
wd: oh, ok. :) see you in 45 mins.
me: see you.
(I feel guilty. I hesitate for a moment.)
me: oh, wait, i completely forgot that i was supposed to meet someone else for coffee. soooooo sorrryyyy. can we do this another day?
wd: are you sure? i'm a pretty cool dude.
me: i'm sure you are. but i have a prior engagement.
wd: ok, call me at xxx-xxx-xxxx.
me: ok, later.
wd: what do you have to lose. you might actually like me a lot. :-)))
me: chat with you later.
(Later that afternoon...)
wd: you haven't called yet.
me: i'll call you later. i'm making out right now with a girlfriend. hahaha
wd: long kiss lol
me: yes, long kiss and more lol
(later still...)
wd: still with your friend?
me: no, done.
wd: how was it?
me: really nice. :)
wd: sweet! i'd have loved to watch.
me: i'm sure.
(pause)
wd: how long have you been separated?
me: a year
wd: who left whom?
me: it was mutual. how about you? who left whom?
wd: that's kinda personal
me: really? you asked me the same question. if you don't want to answer, don't ask.
wd: gotcha. that was for the gps ding.
me: really?
(Boy, this guy is petty and not very intelligent in his come back either.)
wd: just kidding. i wasn't perfect for her.
me: you weren't?
wd: i thought i was.
me: i'm sure you were.
wd: but she was high maintenance. good riddance, i say. anyway, what are you looking for?
me: friendship and passion
wd: nice. do you really like girls? or were you teasing me?
me: oh, i can get naughty with some girls
wd: 3somes?
me: why, you want one?
wd: i'm open. looking for passion and friendship like you. and i'm not the jealous type either.
me: well, then, find me another man and the 3 of us can have fun
wd: i know a couple of girls who'll like you. your [sic] cute in the bikini.
me: no. only 2 men.
wd: your [sic] sassy
me: so what do you want?
wd: fun. passion. someone to hangout with.
me: why don't you play with yourself?
wd: oh, come on. please. let me come over. i promise i'm really good.
me: i'm sure you are.
wd: i'll do everything to please you.
wd: i have references.
wd: ask the women i've been with
wd: you there?
wd: hello!
wd: i guess your [sic] gone.
wd: i'm really, really good
(His begging was pathetic. I did what a lot of women probably do. Blocked him and moved on to another man.)
Tuesday, December 24, 2013
The Married Man
The first man I matched with was Carlos, the Pakistani. Yes, that's right. So this dude who doesn't quite look hispanic writes to me and I write back. Here's the edited conversation...
C: Hi L. How are you doing this wonderful day?
Me: i'm doing well, thanks. and you?
C: just fabulous! bright sunny day. a holiday. what more do you need to be on top of the world?
me: indeed.
C: you have a lovely smile!
me: indeed.
C: and sexy!
me: indeed.
C: tinder is a fabulous app, isn't it?
me: indeed.
C: you like that word, don't you?
me: indeed. so where are you from?
C: from here. haha!
me: haha indeed. where are you from originally?
C: pakistan.
me: with a name like carlos?
C: hahahahaha! that's just a nickname.
me: what's your real name?
C: ahmed.
(So I'm beginning to suspect something.)
me: are you married? i'm cool with it. i don't judge. i've dated married men before.
C: yes, i am married.
me: cool. does your wife know you're here?
C: no. hahahaaa! are you married?
me: no, but i'm dating
C: i'm cool with that.
(Ah, that's magnanimous, I think.)
me: what do you do? i'm an interior designer.
C: i work for a wireless company as a marketing director.
me: cool. any luck on here?
C: not yet. been here only a week. but i've been chatting with a few women.
me: why haven't you met them?
C: no time. too busy at work and home.
me: ok.
C: but i've met women through other sites like OKC and craigslist.
me: and how was that?
C: fabulous!
me: you like that word, don't you?
C: hahahaaa. i was with a woman for 1 year and another for 8 months.
me: were they white?
C: one was hispanic and another was chinese.
me: cool.
C: how about we continue this conversation over coffee?
me: i'd like to get to know you better, if that's okay.
C: that's fine.
me: what happened between you and your wife?
C: no passion
me: arranged marriage?
C: no, i went to university with her. what kind of man are you looking for?
me: smart and cultured.
C: you'll find plenty of that here. hahahaaa
me: good. what kind of woman are you looking for?
C: slim, sexy, smart.
me: what do you do for fun?
C: read, smoke cigars, movies, happy hour. u?
me: i like to dance, eat and kiss.
C: u can straddle me and i can kiss you.
me: naughty boy. :)
C: MWAH!! you like naughty boys?
me: i like boys who know when to be naughty and when to be nice.
C: that i do. i'm a boob man
me: good to know.you won't be disappointed with mine.
C: i can see that in your pics. you have a nice set. better than my wife's.
me: what's wrong with her boobs?
C: i need to try yours :) do you like having them played with?
me: now, don't be too naughty! :)
C: hahahaaa!
me: do you go to a hotel when you meet your dates?
C: yes, hotel. unless i come to your place. :) that's a joke darling.
me: ok.
C: what makes a man sexy for u?
me: intelligence and vit.
C: vibe :)
me: what do you mean?
C: it means, i feel that your tits are better than my wife's
me: they are nice.
C: yummy. great reviews, huh?
me: no complaints so far.
C: you like breast play?
me: yes
C: i like to please my woman. u like licking? sucking? hard sucking? gentle bite? what's ur pleasure?
me: gentle sucking. do you get hard easily?
C: depends on the woman. what makes u wet?
me: breast play. sometimes women can arouse me too.
C: nice image. naked in my lap, playing with ur breasts.
me: naughty boy :)
C: let's meet.
me: when?
C: now?
me: aren't you at work?
C: but i can ditch it.
me: later this week.
C: when? i can come wherever you want me.
me: i'll let you know.
C: oh, baby, i want u
me: i'm sure.
C: don't make me wait.
me: i'll try my best. i have to go now. can we chat later?
C: sure. i'll be waiting. :)
(Later, I hear from him again.)
C: at home. so messages will be sporadic.
me: have you ever told your wife you want sex with other women?
C: no way!!! she'll divorce me.
me: and that's a problem?
C: of course!
me: when was the last time you had sex with her?
C: months ago
me: ok
C: i'm thinking about your boobs.
me: they're thinking about you
C: hahaaaa! i want to suck them
me: go suck your wife's boobs and tell me how they taste
C: they all taste different
me: how so?
C: every pair is different.
me: ok
C: let's meet tomorrow.
me: when?
C: 4pm?
me: sure, why not? you want to come over?
C: yeah! give me your address
me: first let's meet at a cafe
C: ok.
(So we decide to meet at a cafe near my fictitious house. The next day I figure this is as far as I can go with him. I don't want him to drive all the way over and be stood up. I'm evil, but not that evil.)
me: hey carlos, sorry, i can't meet you today.
C: why not darling?
me: that time of month.
C: it doesn't bother me
me: but it bothers me
C: :(((((
me: i know. some other time.
C: ok
me: think of my boobs in the meantime
C: sure will
me: and suck your wife's boobs for me, will you?
C: i can't promise.
me: please, pretty pleas?
C: ok, i'll do that tonight. :)
me: you're a doll. kiss! i have to go. have a great day!
C: you too darling
(I then blocked him. It was the most humane thing to do.)
C: Hi L. How are you doing this wonderful day?
Me: i'm doing well, thanks. and you?
C: just fabulous! bright sunny day. a holiday. what more do you need to be on top of the world?
me: indeed.
C: you have a lovely smile!
me: indeed.
C: and sexy!
me: indeed.
C: tinder is a fabulous app, isn't it?
me: indeed.
C: you like that word, don't you?
me: indeed. so where are you from?
C: from here. haha!
me: haha indeed. where are you from originally?
C: pakistan.
me: with a name like carlos?
C: hahahahaha! that's just a nickname.
me: what's your real name?
C: ahmed.
(So I'm beginning to suspect something.)
me: are you married? i'm cool with it. i don't judge. i've dated married men before.
C: yes, i am married.
me: cool. does your wife know you're here?
C: no. hahahaaa! are you married?
me: no, but i'm dating
C: i'm cool with that.
(Ah, that's magnanimous, I think.)
me: what do you do? i'm an interior designer.
C: i work for a wireless company as a marketing director.
me: cool. any luck on here?
C: not yet. been here only a week. but i've been chatting with a few women.
me: why haven't you met them?
C: no time. too busy at work and home.
me: ok.
C: but i've met women through other sites like OKC and craigslist.
me: and how was that?
C: fabulous!
me: you like that word, don't you?
C: hahahaaa. i was with a woman for 1 year and another for 8 months.
me: were they white?
C: one was hispanic and another was chinese.
me: cool.
C: how about we continue this conversation over coffee?
me: i'd like to get to know you better, if that's okay.
C: that's fine.
me: what happened between you and your wife?
C: no passion
me: arranged marriage?
C: no, i went to university with her. what kind of man are you looking for?
me: smart and cultured.
C: you'll find plenty of that here. hahahaaa
me: good. what kind of woman are you looking for?
C: slim, sexy, smart.
me: what do you do for fun?
C: read, smoke cigars, movies, happy hour. u?
me: i like to dance, eat and kiss.
C: u can straddle me and i can kiss you.
me: naughty boy. :)
C: MWAH!! you like naughty boys?
me: i like boys who know when to be naughty and when to be nice.
C: that i do. i'm a boob man
me: good to know.you won't be disappointed with mine.
C: i can see that in your pics. you have a nice set. better than my wife's.
me: what's wrong with her boobs?
C: i need to try yours :) do you like having them played with?
me: now, don't be too naughty! :)
C: hahahaaa!
me: do you go to a hotel when you meet your dates?
C: yes, hotel. unless i come to your place. :) that's a joke darling.
me: ok.
C: what makes a man sexy for u?
me: intelligence and vit.
C: vibe :)
me: what do you mean?
C: it means, i feel that your tits are better than my wife's
me: they are nice.
C: yummy. great reviews, huh?
me: no complaints so far.
C: you like breast play?
me: yes
C: i like to please my woman. u like licking? sucking? hard sucking? gentle bite? what's ur pleasure?
me: gentle sucking. do you get hard easily?
C: depends on the woman. what makes u wet?
me: breast play. sometimes women can arouse me too.
C: nice image. naked in my lap, playing with ur breasts.
me: naughty boy :)
C: let's meet.
me: when?
C: now?
me: aren't you at work?
C: but i can ditch it.
me: later this week.
C: when? i can come wherever you want me.
me: i'll let you know.
C: oh, baby, i want u
me: i'm sure.
C: don't make me wait.
me: i'll try my best. i have to go now. can we chat later?
C: sure. i'll be waiting. :)
(Later, I hear from him again.)
C: at home. so messages will be sporadic.
me: have you ever told your wife you want sex with other women?
C: no way!!! she'll divorce me.
me: and that's a problem?
C: of course!
me: when was the last time you had sex with her?
C: months ago
me: ok
C: i'm thinking about your boobs.
me: they're thinking about you
C: hahaaaa! i want to suck them
me: go suck your wife's boobs and tell me how they taste
C: they all taste different
me: how so?
C: every pair is different.
me: ok
C: let's meet tomorrow.
me: when?
C: 4pm?
me: sure, why not? you want to come over?
C: yeah! give me your address
me: first let's meet at a cafe
C: ok.
(So we decide to meet at a cafe near my fictitious house. The next day I figure this is as far as I can go with him. I don't want him to drive all the way over and be stood up. I'm evil, but not that evil.)
me: hey carlos, sorry, i can't meet you today.
C: why not darling?
me: that time of month.
C: it doesn't bother me
me: but it bothers me
C: :(((((
me: i know. some other time.
C: ok
me: think of my boobs in the meantime
C: sure will
me: and suck your wife's boobs for me, will you?
C: i can't promise.
me: please, pretty pleas?
C: ok, i'll do that tonight. :)
me: you're a doll. kiss! i have to go. have a great day!
C: you too darling
(I then blocked him. It was the most humane thing to do.)
I Get a Sex Change Operation
The conversations I've had with various women over the months got me thinking. Many of them said the same thing: a lot of men online are simply too crude and can't express themselves. I never understood that. All the men I know are pretty expressive, and while we can all be crude (and, yes, we're all dogs), the truly obnoxious ones were few and far between. So I wanted to see for myself what these women were talking about.
So I used pictures of a lovely woman I know and created a profile on Tinder. Browsing the profiles of men was interesting. I was in my role as a woman. If I were a woman, would I want to know this guy? And, unfortunately, the answer was no for the majority of them. Here are a few of my reasons:
1. I'm a snob. So, whether its for friendship or relationship, I need someone who is intellectually above average. I know it's superficial to make these judgments based on photographs, but I weeded out a lot of men who did not look terribly bright. They didn't have that spark in their eyes. Or a sense of curiosity.
2. Crude: I was surprised by how many men had posted pictures that were off-putting for various reasons. Pictures of bare torsos for no reasons other than to preen like a peacock. Now and occasional picture of a decent looking bloke in a pool is not a bad thing. But most of these men simply lacked class. Then there were men showing their middle-finger. Who were they trying to attract with those pics?
3. Lack of class: This reason underlies all the other reasons why I turned down some guy. But a man or woman who cannot carry themselves with dignity and respect gets passed over. I mean, do you really need to post pictures of you doing stupid things, being drunk or simply holding aloft a bottle of cheap beer as though it were a trophy? If so, what you really want is to be on that TV show called 'Jackass'.
4. Tattoos: A small tattoo here and there I'm okay with. I also get the religious and cultural significance of tattoos in some parts of the world. But sometimes cultural symbols get co-opted unthinkingly, resulting in a crass display that has none of the original meaning. If you've got tattoos all over your body, good for you. But I'll probably keep you at arms' length whether as friends, at work or in a relationship.
5. Trying too hard: A lot of men are trying to hard to come across as being cool. Whether it's to show their muscles, or pictures of them jumping out of a plane, or playing golf or pretending to be the life of the party, or looking cocky or having asinine grins. Why can't they just be themselves? Preening like peacocks probably does work with a lot of women, but I prefer to associate with people, both men and women, who are more modest, level-headed and grounded.
6. Facial hair: Unless you look at a lot of photos of men in quick succession, you really don't know what you think of facial hair. I was ambivalent about it before. But a few hours of flipping through profiles, I've come to the conclusion that very few men look good with facial hair.
So I weeded out a lot of men. As time went by, I became increasingly selective. And, yet, within 24 hours, I had 40 matches. A far cry from the measly number of contacts I had with my real profile. And what I found about them was very interesting. I'll post individual interactions in later blog posts, but in general, here are my observations:
1. More than 1/2 the men who matched with me never bothered contacting me. Other bloggers and reviewers have had similar experiences. Only once I contacted a guy, mostly out of curiosity. He never responded. So why do people who chose each other in the first place don't contact the other person or respond when the other person initiates contact?
2. While a couple of men were a bit crude in their interactions with me, nobody started off with the kinds of sentences women have reported to me. Most of the interactions were normal at least for the first couple of sessions. So why were women always complaining that most men online are crude, rude and crass? I wondered about that. And I think it may have something to do with the men I selected. I guess I am a pretty good judge of which men are likely to be normal, decent, articulate, respectable just by looking at their photos. After all, I'm a man myself, so I guess I have an advantage over women. And even the ones who were crass had slipped through the cracks, and upon closer examination of their pictures, I could see strains of lascivious expressions on their faces. One man, in particular, was very respectful, thoughtful, articulate and intelligent. If I were a woman, I'd absolutely have gone for him. (More about him later.)
3. There seem to be a heck of a lot more men than women on Tinder, at least in my area. The stream of male profiles seems never-ending. On both occasions as a man, I did run out of profiles and had to wait for Tinder to find more. But not as a woman. I envy women. It's so much easier for them to pick and choose than it is for men. We men have to be grateful for whatever scant attention women show us. They have a problem of plenty.
4. After winnowing it all down, I came to the inevitable, but arrogant, conclusion that I was not a bad catch at all compared to all these blokes out there. I could see why women constantly complain about there being quantity, but no quality. So, a word of advice to women: if you do find a decent fella, don't let him go.
All in all, it's been an interesting experience. I think it has helped me hone my own skills in the art of approaching and connecting with women, particularly in making me aware of how certain things we men do come across to women.
The dating game can be endlessly interesting, and role playing has opened up hitherto undiscovered vistas for me.
So I used pictures of a lovely woman I know and created a profile on Tinder. Browsing the profiles of men was interesting. I was in my role as a woman. If I were a woman, would I want to know this guy? And, unfortunately, the answer was no for the majority of them. Here are a few of my reasons:
1. I'm a snob. So, whether its for friendship or relationship, I need someone who is intellectually above average. I know it's superficial to make these judgments based on photographs, but I weeded out a lot of men who did not look terribly bright. They didn't have that spark in their eyes. Or a sense of curiosity.
2. Crude: I was surprised by how many men had posted pictures that were off-putting for various reasons. Pictures of bare torsos for no reasons other than to preen like a peacock. Now and occasional picture of a decent looking bloke in a pool is not a bad thing. But most of these men simply lacked class. Then there were men showing their middle-finger. Who were they trying to attract with those pics?
3. Lack of class: This reason underlies all the other reasons why I turned down some guy. But a man or woman who cannot carry themselves with dignity and respect gets passed over. I mean, do you really need to post pictures of you doing stupid things, being drunk or simply holding aloft a bottle of cheap beer as though it were a trophy? If so, what you really want is to be on that TV show called 'Jackass'.
4. Tattoos: A small tattoo here and there I'm okay with. I also get the religious and cultural significance of tattoos in some parts of the world. But sometimes cultural symbols get co-opted unthinkingly, resulting in a crass display that has none of the original meaning. If you've got tattoos all over your body, good for you. But I'll probably keep you at arms' length whether as friends, at work or in a relationship.
5. Trying too hard: A lot of men are trying to hard to come across as being cool. Whether it's to show their muscles, or pictures of them jumping out of a plane, or playing golf or pretending to be the life of the party, or looking cocky or having asinine grins. Why can't they just be themselves? Preening like peacocks probably does work with a lot of women, but I prefer to associate with people, both men and women, who are more modest, level-headed and grounded.
6. Facial hair: Unless you look at a lot of photos of men in quick succession, you really don't know what you think of facial hair. I was ambivalent about it before. But a few hours of flipping through profiles, I've come to the conclusion that very few men look good with facial hair.
So I weeded out a lot of men. As time went by, I became increasingly selective. And, yet, within 24 hours, I had 40 matches. A far cry from the measly number of contacts I had with my real profile. And what I found about them was very interesting. I'll post individual interactions in later blog posts, but in general, here are my observations:
1. More than 1/2 the men who matched with me never bothered contacting me. Other bloggers and reviewers have had similar experiences. Only once I contacted a guy, mostly out of curiosity. He never responded. So why do people who chose each other in the first place don't contact the other person or respond when the other person initiates contact?
2. While a couple of men were a bit crude in their interactions with me, nobody started off with the kinds of sentences women have reported to me. Most of the interactions were normal at least for the first couple of sessions. So why were women always complaining that most men online are crude, rude and crass? I wondered about that. And I think it may have something to do with the men I selected. I guess I am a pretty good judge of which men are likely to be normal, decent, articulate, respectable just by looking at their photos. After all, I'm a man myself, so I guess I have an advantage over women. And even the ones who were crass had slipped through the cracks, and upon closer examination of their pictures, I could see strains of lascivious expressions on their faces. One man, in particular, was very respectful, thoughtful, articulate and intelligent. If I were a woman, I'd absolutely have gone for him. (More about him later.)
3. There seem to be a heck of a lot more men than women on Tinder, at least in my area. The stream of male profiles seems never-ending. On both occasions as a man, I did run out of profiles and had to wait for Tinder to find more. But not as a woman. I envy women. It's so much easier for them to pick and choose than it is for men. We men have to be grateful for whatever scant attention women show us. They have a problem of plenty.
4. After winnowing it all down, I came to the inevitable, but arrogant, conclusion that I was not a bad catch at all compared to all these blokes out there. I could see why women constantly complain about there being quantity, but no quality. So, a word of advice to women: if you do find a decent fella, don't let him go.
All in all, it's been an interesting experience. I think it has helped me hone my own skills in the art of approaching and connecting with women, particularly in making me aware of how certain things we men do come across to women.
The dating game can be endlessly interesting, and role playing has opened up hitherto undiscovered vistas for me.
The New Handsome Me
A few weeks after my first failed attempt with Tinder, I decided to give it another shot. This time I wanted to confirm my suspicion that the failure the last time around was because of my photos. So, this time I used just one photo of a man that I thought looked well-educated, cultured, respectable and perhaps even attractive.
And, as should be obvious, the response was much better. I swiped right indiscriminately like the last time and within 24 hours I had 20 matches. Of these, I had substantive conversations with at least 4 women. We chatted, we flirted, with a naughty reference thrown here and there. I was confident that if I'd asked them out, they'd have said yes. The common feature in what all these women said was that I was respectful to them and in their experience it was rare. I knew there are a lot of jerks online, but I was still surprised to hear how rare men who want a normal conversation were, at least on Tinder.
Perhaps therein lies the key to online success: just being a normal human being, being as respectful to women online as you'd be in the real world. (Of course, you need an attractive photo to even be given a chance to prove that you're a nice guy, but that's a different story.) In that 24 hours, I got to know a Brazilian woman, a single mother who's trying to make it in America; a second-general Indian-American who had learned a lot from two failed relationships; a recently-divorced Caucasian woman who seemed to be genuinely befuddled by the dating dance; an older woman who was clearly lonely and just wanted someone to chat with.
I knew this charade could not continue much longer. Although I enjoyed chatting with them, I was also misleading them with my photo (even though everything else I said about myself was honest). At the end of the day, I gently told them that I was going to delete my account since I wasn't going to be able to meet anyone in the immediate future. I wished them well, and hope they find someone to share their lives with.
In the meantime I have to figure out my biggest stumbling block to online dating success: my photos. They're, unfortunately, not a great ice-breaker. They don't get me too many hand-shakes.
Plastic surgery, anyone? :-)
And, as should be obvious, the response was much better. I swiped right indiscriminately like the last time and within 24 hours I had 20 matches. Of these, I had substantive conversations with at least 4 women. We chatted, we flirted, with a naughty reference thrown here and there. I was confident that if I'd asked them out, they'd have said yes. The common feature in what all these women said was that I was respectful to them and in their experience it was rare. I knew there are a lot of jerks online, but I was still surprised to hear how rare men who want a normal conversation were, at least on Tinder.
Perhaps therein lies the key to online success: just being a normal human being, being as respectful to women online as you'd be in the real world. (Of course, you need an attractive photo to even be given a chance to prove that you're a nice guy, but that's a different story.) In that 24 hours, I got to know a Brazilian woman, a single mother who's trying to make it in America; a second-general Indian-American who had learned a lot from two failed relationships; a recently-divorced Caucasian woman who seemed to be genuinely befuddled by the dating dance; an older woman who was clearly lonely and just wanted someone to chat with.
I knew this charade could not continue much longer. Although I enjoyed chatting with them, I was also misleading them with my photo (even though everything else I said about myself was honest). At the end of the day, I gently told them that I was going to delete my account since I wasn't going to be able to meet anyone in the immediate future. I wished them well, and hope they find someone to share their lives with.
In the meantime I have to figure out my biggest stumbling block to online dating success: my photos. They're, unfortunately, not a great ice-breaker. They don't get me too many hand-shakes.
Plastic surgery, anyone? :-)
My Tinder experiment Starts
Recently I joined Tinder, the phone app that allows you to like or dislike someone based solely on their pictures. I know I don't look good in my pictures and have been told that I look much better in person, but still I have to work with what I have. So I put up my profile and started swiping right on pretty much every woman I came across, except for the very few outliers, in the hope that even if only a few women liked me back, I'd at least have someone to talk to and then decide if there's a good enough match or not.
As it turns out, in over a week of liking literally hundreds of women, I was matched with only 5, of which 4 never bothered responding to my initial message. The one woman who did respond was a Filipina nurse (yeah, now there's a stereotype!). We chatted back and forth for a couple of days, exchanging information and flirting. And then we decided to meet. We had a good conversation over lunch even though I didn't find her to be terribly intellectually stimulating. She was a nice person and we talked about past, our present, our families, etc.
After lunch we went for a walk in the woods nearby. It was a lovely day and we had the hills to ourselves. A leisurely stroll up the wooded hill and then back down. She seemed to be really into me. She was sweet. On our way down I put my arm around her and she drew close. I turned to her and she looked at me in anticipation. We kissed. Tentatively at first. And then a lot more passionately. She was not shy. And my experience with Filipina women in general is that they're not shy of expressing themselves. We sat on a bench and cuddled for a while, but now our conversation was a little more personal, a little more naughty. She said I was naughty without being crude or vulgar.
We would have sat there for a long time had it not been for the fact that we both had things to do in the afternoon. Reluctantly, we walked back to my car and I drove her to hers. As she left, she gave me a very tight hug and a kiss, promising to meet me soon.
Later that day I sent her a message telling her how much I enjoyed meeting her and asked her if she was free later that week. I received a response that I thought was non-committal and even a bit aloof. I sent her another message the next day, to which she did not respond for over 24 hours. This time the response was definitely vague. "Yes, we should get together sometime." "Sure," I responded. "Please let me know whenever you're free."
I never heard back from her. What happened after she gave me a good-bye kiss, I have no idea. I didn't want to stalk her, so I sent her one final polite message to which I obviously didn't receive a response. What bothered me was not the fact that she didn't want to meet, but the sudden transformation from someone who seemed genuinely interested in me to having no interest in keeping in touch with me and the complete lack of explanation for what happened.
Well, the reality is that she didn't owe me an explanation. We met only once. And we shared a few tender moments together. I should count my blessings.
A week later, with no more connections on Tinder, I deleted my account. Temporarily, as it turned out.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)