Another Married Man on Tinder: Post-script

A few days ago I wrote about my friend Gabriela's encounter with Omar, a married executive on Tinder. The day she showed me the conversation I decided not to blow his cover. But the more I thought about it, the more I was puzzled. He was an executive at a big company, lived in a very expensive town, had apparently done quite well financially, was socially well-connected. Why would a man with so much to lose personally, professionally and socially be out there on Tinder with pictures of him & his wife, using his real first name with which it was terribly easy to track him down online? Is it hubris? Stupidity? A sub-conscious need to get caught?

The next time I hung out with Gabriela and a couple of other friends, I decided to probe this further. Sitting next to her, I asked her to chat with him. He responded quickly. I'm paraphrasing the conversation since at the end of the session he either deleted his profile or blocked Gabriela, so the entire conversation vanished.

Gabriela: I think I know who you are.
Omar: yeah?
g: yeah. i know where you work and what you do. given the highly visible professional role you have, you are very bold to put your profile out there.
o: stupid is probably a better word
g: yes, i agree. you have a lot to lose personally
o: i know.
g: either it's a rookie mistake or a bill clinton like arrogance that you're not going to get caught
o: it's neither.
g: or sub-consciously you wanted to get caught
o: how did you find out?
g: remember i was telling you about my friend rukshana, who's also from pakistan? you said you know a few rukshanas
o: yeah?
g: i was curious. so i asked if she knew you and showed your profile. she recognized you. she knows you and your wife.
o: oh
g: i didn't mean to get you into trouble, but since you said you know a few people by that name, i was curious. what were the chances that she'd know you?
o: i see
g: i think you should start doing damage control.
o: ok. how?
g: tell your wife about this before she hears from ruskhana. i told her to keep quiet, but she was outraged to see your profile.
o: my life is over.

[Both Gabriela and I started to feel sorry for this guy.]

g: i wouldn't go so far. it's better for you tell her than for her to hear it from someone else
o: but i didn't do anything
g: you told me all the different kinds of women you've slept with
o: yes, i did. but it's not true. i just joined to check out tinder. i haven't been with anyone other than my wife
g: it's hard to believe that
o: it's true. i haven't done anything
g: tell your wife that
o: ok
g: have the conversation before the rumors and innuendoes reach her. good luck
o: thanks. i need that

With that he was gone, and so was his profile. Whether he actually told his wife about it to pre-empt any conversation with Rukshana, I don't know. But I suspect he's already punishing himself enough and is not going to be looking at other women for a while.