Okay, I am evil. I don't like it when women do this to me, but it was an opportunity I couldn't pass up.
So this guy with photos of himself in all sorts of heroic activities, like swimming in a shallow pool, cycling around a park, carrying groceries and driving an expensive car, gets matched with me. Not a bad looking bloke, but cocky-looking.
Bloke: hiya there! you did the right thing by swiping right! :) here i am at your service.
me: hi! good to know.
b: do you live in the city?
me: yes, i do.
b: isn't this the greatest city in the world? :)
me: hmmm, perhaps. where are you from?
b: the whole world belongs to me.
me: i'm sure. but whereabouts did you spring forth into the world from?
b: haha! you're funny. i like that in a woman. i'm from the beautiful land of india.
me: i would have guessed that.
b: but you didn't.
me: true.
b: how about we carry on this conversation over drinks? care to join me at X?
me: i'd like to get to know you better first if that's okay with you?
b: sure, sure. take your time. so where are you from?
me: from brazil.
b: aha! so you're a sexy brazilian.
me: so i've been told.
b: you know what makes sexy brazilians even sexier?
me: what?
b: a sexy brazilian with a sexy drink in her hand.
me: ok.
b: so what say we get you a drink?
me: as i told you, i'd like to know you better before meeting you.
b: sure, sure. take your time.
me: thanks.
b: how long have you been in this country?
me: about 10 years. you?
b: about 20 years.
me: nice.
b: so you still have a sexy brazilian accent?
me: i suppose i do.
b: i love the brazilian accent. it's so sensual. brazilians themselves are so sensual.
me: even when we burp and fart?
b: hahaha! yes even then.
me: good, because i'm farting now.
b: hahaha! so what say we get together.
me: despite my farting?
b: especially because of your farting.
(Okay, I get why men have to try to impress women, but this guy has no sense of decorum. By now I have no respect for him.)
me: later, ok?
b: sure, sure. take your time.
me: what work do you do?
b: i'm in high tech.
me: i'm an accountant. what do you do for fun?
b: oh, boy, you name it. salsa, bungee jumping, marathons, deep sea diving, hiking to macchu pichhu, drinking cocktails with friends and beautiful women. haha! and what about you?
me: lounging on my sofa and watching people do all those things on tv.
b: haha! now get your ass off the sofa and have a real drink with me. your choice.
(Very magnanimous of you. This guy was now thoroughly irritating me. I had to get him to shut up. I also had this desire to teach this gas-bag a lesson. Seriously, women fall for this kind of nonsense?)
me: ok, i guess.
b: cool! how about at 10pm?
me: can you make it 9?
b: even better!
me: see you later, sexy!
b: ooh, you're flirty! looking forward to it, ravishing lady!
(10 minutes to 9, he contacts me.)
b: L, sorry, i'm running 10 minutes late. i hope you don't mind. please make yourself comfortable and order yourself a drink. any drink. it's on me.
me: don't worry, sweetie, i'm enjoying myself. take your time.
b: ooh, nice. can't wait to set my eyes on you.
me: me too.
(later...)
b: hey, i'm here. are you the sexy woman in the corner?
me: yes. where are you?
b: i'm waving at you. can't you see me?
me: yes, i can. come over.
(I imagined this twerp approaching the woman in the corner and trying out his oily lines on her, and her throwing her drink on his face. Chuckling in an evil manner, I block this guy, and close the app.)
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