Firstly, I know I'm bad. I wanted to get that out of the way in advance of what is to follow.
So I get matched with this 50 year old white guy. I don't remember swiping him right (i.e., approving him in Tinderlingo), but obviously I must have.
white dude: Hi there! We matched! How are you doing?
me: i'm well, thanks. how are you?
wd: great! are you working today?
me: no, i don't work on weekends. you?
wd: kinda. working around the house.
me: what do you do?
wd: i'm a contractor. i supply and repair manufacturing machinery. what about you?
me: i'm an accountant. are you single?
wd: yes. separated. you?
me: me too. do you still live with your wife?
wd: no. been a year.
me: any kids?
wd: no. you?
me: me neither.
wd: have you had lunch yet?
me: no, why?
wd: wanna meet?
(Wow, that was quick. I can see his lascivious grin in his photo. So I decide to play with him.)
me: sure. your place or mine?
wd: your choice.
(So the dude did not blink. Smooth operator.)
me: i'd prefer my place. more comfortable here. but first, let's meet at the cafe around the corner.
wd: sure.
me: do you know X?
wd: no, but i can find it. how about in 1.5 hours?
me: works for me.
wd: i have all afternoon for you.
me: nice. :)
(Now he lives about 45 miles from me. As I was about to close out that conversation I felt a twinge of guilt.)
me: you know, we could meet midway in Y.
wd: works for me. your place might be better for dinner tonight. :)
me: ok, let's meet at Cafe A on B Ave. do you know it?
wd: no, but i'm looking it up on my gps.
me: why do you need a gps. not impressed.
wd: huh? what does that mean?
me: i like guys who know their way around.
wd: i just want to be sure.
me: that's ok. i'm just teasing you.
wd: oh, ok. :) see you in 45 mins.
me: see you.
(I feel guilty. I hesitate for a moment.)
me: oh, wait, i completely forgot that i was supposed to meet someone else for coffee. soooooo sorrryyyy. can we do this another day?
wd: are you sure? i'm a pretty cool dude.
me: i'm sure you are. but i have a prior engagement.
wd: ok, call me at xxx-xxx-xxxx.
me: ok, later.
wd: what do you have to lose. you might actually like me a lot. :-)))
me: chat with you later.
(Later that afternoon...)
wd: you haven't called yet.
me: i'll call you later. i'm making out right now with a girlfriend. hahaha
wd: long kiss lol
me: yes, long kiss and more lol
(later still...)
wd: still with your friend?
me: no, done.
wd: how was it?
me: really nice. :)
wd: sweet! i'd have loved to watch.
me: i'm sure.
(pause)
wd: how long have you been separated?
me: a year
wd: who left whom?
me: it was mutual. how about you? who left whom?
wd: that's kinda personal
me: really? you asked me the same question. if you don't want to answer, don't ask.
wd: gotcha. that was for the gps ding.
me: really?
(Boy, this guy is petty and not very intelligent in his come back either.)
wd: just kidding. i wasn't perfect for her.
me: you weren't?
wd: i thought i was.
me: i'm sure you were.
wd: but she was high maintenance. good riddance, i say. anyway, what are you looking for?
me: friendship and passion
wd: nice. do you really like girls? or were you teasing me?
me: oh, i can get naughty with some girls
wd: 3somes?
me: why, you want one?
wd: i'm open. looking for passion and friendship like you. and i'm not the jealous type either.
me: well, then, find me another man and the 3 of us can have fun
wd: i know a couple of girls who'll like you. your [sic] cute in the bikini.
me: no. only 2 men.
wd: your [sic] sassy
me: so what do you want?
wd: fun. passion. someone to hangout with.
me: why don't you play with yourself?
wd: oh, come on. please. let me come over. i promise i'm really good.
me: i'm sure you are.
wd: i'll do everything to please you.
wd: i have references.
wd: ask the women i've been with
wd: you there?
wd: hello!
wd: i guess your [sic] gone.
wd: i'm really, really good
(His begging was pathetic. I did what a lot of women probably do. Blocked him and moved on to another man.)
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