The Married Man

The first man I matched with was Carlos, the Pakistani. Yes, that's right. So this dude who doesn't quite look hispanic writes to me and I write back. Here's the edited conversation...

C: Hi L. How are you doing this wonderful day?
Me: i'm doing well, thanks. and you?
C: just fabulous! bright sunny day. a holiday. what more do you need to be on top of the world?
me: indeed.
C: you have a lovely smile!
me: indeed.
C: and sexy!
me: indeed.
C: tinder is a fabulous app, isn't it?
me: indeed.
C: you like that word, don't you?
me: indeed. so where are you from?
C: from here. haha!
me: haha indeed. where are you from originally?
C: pakistan.
me: with a name like carlos?
C: hahahahaha! that's just a nickname.
me: what's your real name?
C: ahmed.

(So I'm beginning to suspect something.)

me: are you married? i'm cool with it. i don't judge. i've dated married men before.
C: yes, i am married.
me: cool. does your wife know you're here?
C: no. hahahaaa! are you married?
me: no, but i'm dating
C: i'm cool with that.

(Ah, that's magnanimous, I think.)

me: what do you do? i'm an interior designer.
C: i work for a wireless company as a marketing director.
me: cool. any luck on here?
C: not yet. been here only a week. but i've been chatting with a few women.
me: why haven't you met them?
C: no time. too busy at work and home.
me: ok.
C: but i've met women through other sites like OKC and craigslist.
me: and how was that?
C: fabulous!
me: you like that word, don't you?
C: hahahaaa. i was with a woman for 1 year and another for 8 months.
me: were they white?
C: one was hispanic and another was chinese.
me: cool.
C: how about we continue this conversation over coffee?
me: i'd like to get to know you better, if that's okay.
C: that's fine.
me: what happened between you and your wife?
C: no passion
me: arranged marriage?
C: no, i went to university with her. what kind of man are you looking for?
me: smart and cultured.
C: you'll find plenty of that here. hahahaaa
me: good. what kind of woman are you looking for?
C: slim, sexy, smart.
me: what do you do for fun?
C: read, smoke cigars, movies, happy hour. u?
me: i like to dance, eat and kiss.
C: u can straddle me and i can kiss you.
me: naughty boy. :)
C: MWAH!! you like naughty boys?
me: i like boys who know when to be naughty and when to be nice.
C: that i do. i'm a boob man
me: good to know.you won't be disappointed with mine.
C: i can see that in your pics. you have a nice set. better than my wife's.
me: what's wrong with her boobs?
C: i need to try yours :) do you like having them played with?
me: now, don't be too naughty! :)
C: hahahaaa!
me: do you go to a hotel when you meet your dates?
C: yes, hotel. unless i come to your place. :) that's a joke darling.
me: ok.
C: what makes a man sexy for u?
me: intelligence and vit.
C: vibe :)
me: what do you mean?
C: it means, i feel that your tits are better than my wife's
me: they are nice.
C: yummy. great reviews, huh?
me: no complaints so far.
C: you like breast play?
me: yes
C: i like to please my woman. u like licking? sucking? hard sucking? gentle bite? what's ur pleasure?
me: gentle sucking. do you get hard easily?
C: depends on the woman. what makes u wet?
me: breast play. sometimes women can arouse me too.
C: nice image. naked in my lap, playing with ur breasts.
me: naughty boy :)
C: let's meet.
me: when?
C: now?
me: aren't you at work?
C: but i can ditch it.
me: later this week.
C: when? i can come wherever you want me.
me: i'll let you know.
C: oh, baby, i want u
me: i'm sure.
C: don't make me wait.
me: i'll try my best. i have to go now. can we chat later?
C: sure. i'll be waiting. :)

(Later, I hear from him again.)

C: at home. so messages will be sporadic.
me: have you ever told your wife you want sex with other women?
C: no way!!! she'll divorce me.
me: and that's a problem?
C: of course!
me: when was the last time you had sex with her?
C: months ago
me: ok
C: i'm thinking about your boobs.
me: they're thinking about you
C: hahaaaa! i want to suck them
me: go suck your wife's boobs and tell me how they taste
C: they all taste different
me: how so?
C: every pair is different.
me: ok
C: let's meet tomorrow.
me: when?
C: 4pm?
me: sure, why not? you want to come over?
C: yeah! give me your address
me: first let's meet at a cafe
C: ok.

(So we decide to meet at a cafe near my fictitious house. The next day I figure this is as far as I can go with him. I don't want him to drive all the way over and be stood up. I'm evil, but not that evil.)

me: hey carlos, sorry, i can't meet you today.
C: why not darling?
me: that time of month.
C: it doesn't bother me
me: but it bothers me
C: :(((((
me: i know. some other time.
C: ok
me: think of my boobs in the meantime
C: sure will
me: and suck your wife's boobs for me, will you?
C: i can't promise.
me: please, pretty pleas?
C: ok, i'll do that tonight. :)
me: you're a doll. kiss! i have to go. have a great day!
C: you too darling

(I then blocked him. It was the most humane thing to do.)